Sunday, May 8, 2011

May 22

Judgment day is about two weeks away. I have never been more ready to convert to Evangelical Christianity. Believe me when I tell you that a world-wide rapture event will dissolve all doubts I have as an atheist, and I will come to believe in whatever I should have been believing in to begin with. Of course the particulars of what I should believe even if a rapture event occurs are a bit murky around the details.

Some of the folks who advertise the end of the world state that they know this is the time since the world was created in 11,013 BC. Some other folks have told me that the earth was created on October 9th in 4,004 BC. Who is correct? I guess we will know on May 22nd. Who will have egg on their faces: the not-so-young earth creationists, or the adolescent-earth creationists?

But the rapture event should be undeniably spectacular!

At 6PM Pacific time a great earthquake will announce the start of the rapture. I'm not sure how the 6PM Pacific time was discovered by studying the bible. Israel, which is bible ground zero, is 10 hours behind Pacific time, so it will be May 22nd in Israel. This confuses me because if the intense studying of the bible does categorically state that judgment day is May 21st I would think they would at least mean May 21st in Israel How would the bible even denote pacific time as the entire continent of North America was unknown to the biblical people at the time they were writing down all the end-times prophesy stuff.

I am supposed to realize that I will be out of luck in terms of avoiding hell because in Revelations 3:7 it says:
 “These things saith he that is holy, he that is true, he that hath the key of David, he that openeth, and no man shutteth; and shutteth, and no man openeth” – KJB Rev3:7

And this is supposed to mean that I am SOL with respect to avoiding hell if I do not convert in the next two weeks. May 22nd is too late.

Apparently one must believe in a god before he presents the evidence which he is fully capable of presenting at any time. After he presents the evidence it is not a test to believe, so believing becomes worthless.

Of course the missing evidence of a loving god who will start torturing you in a couple of weeks if you do not start believing right now is just the divine miraculous evidence. Billboards and Internet sites are OK. If you see a billboard advertising the end of the world and decide that is enough evidence to convert you are golden. If you hold out for godly earthquakes and miracles then you are going to hell.

The earthquake is supposed to be the biggest ever known. I would guess that at a 10+ on the Richter scale.

Then people will bodily be taken up to heaven. Apparently planes will fall from the sky. For years Fundamentalist Christians have insisted that on all commercial flights the FAA required a non-Christian co-pilot so the plane could be landed safely after rapture. I suppose the highways will be a mess. Luckily May 21st is a Saturday or the afternoon commute could be a nightmare.

What of May 22nd? Without evidence of a rapture will thousands of disheartened Christians suddenly wish to give up on god? I doubt it. This is the wondrous thing about Pascal's wager. The rewards of heaven are so great, and the risks of hell so terrible, that they swamp any consideration of apostasy.  No what. No what. Just the slimmest possibility that there is a heaven and hell is enough to justify unwavering belief.

Even some who know that there is almost certainly no god will hold out for that certainty.

On May 22nd we will know for certain that there has been no rapture. What difference will this make?


Joe said...

Here is the fuzzy "math"
Looks like 5 months of torment with the ungodly until Oct. 21, 2011 when the earth is destroyed by fire. What a joke, hope all the believers get a taste of reality when nothing happens. Would be petty gory since the dead believers are supposed to rise from their graves first, dust storms in grave yards. This may be a good as the previous raptures in 1844, 1914, 1925, 1942, 1975, 1981, 1988, 1989, 1991, 1992, 1994, 2011. On the person promoting the one this month, May 21, 2011, was Harold Camping, who previously said it was going to be September 6th, 1994, oops. "Fool me once, shame on you; Fool me twice, shame on me" - will they ever learn?

Laura said...

Uhhh...May 21st is Saturday, not Sunday. So there may not be commuters on the highways, but there will be people enjoying their weekend. Here in central PA we will be having a rapture party and having a good time. We'll have popcorn and snacks, and will watch the 1991 movie, "The Rapture". Since it's a Saturday, we can stay up late and socialize and discuss the movie.

adult onset atheist said...

Although I maintain that much that I write in this blog is apocryphal –or at least wildly inaccurate- I’m a bit irritated that I got the day of the week wrong for May 21st. Think of all the possible “Sunday after rapture” quips I missed out on making. Anyway, Laura, thanks for catching it.

I am a little bit reluctant to make fun of this 21 May 2011 rapture. It is so very stupid that it makes fun of itself. Harold Camping is a special kind of nut. However, these people can afford billboards and campaign contributions. People like Harry may shape our future more than people who just sit back and quietly laugh. This is a bad thing since Harry doesn’t really think we have a future.

shawn1200 said...

Does anyone know anything about the new billboard up on the Skyway near the Bay Bridge? It seems to be from a different group. I wrote down their website:

They are saying that some athiests
will be more prepared than conservative Christians on Judgement day.

adult onset atheist said...

It looks like Merkaba (Hebrew for chariot) is a cabalist group believing that the world will end on December 21 2012 (“when the sun goes Nova” according to them). The billboard I snapped the photo of is off I80 about 10 miles west of Salt Lake City. I have not seen the Merkaba billboard.

Nathan said...