Friday, May 20, 2011

Competent sources tell me...

I have been called to task over statements I made earlier concerning tomorrow’s rapture. I was confronted with the accusation that I should find a “competent” source for my statement that “At 6PM Pacific time a great earthquake will announce the start of the rapture”. Since this accusation obviously uses a meaning for the word “competent” that I am unfamiliar with I felt compelled to respond.

But as I began penning my devastating response I was given new information about what will really happen on Saturday. It turns out that Saturday may actually be judgment day, and that it will:

“Herald the coming of The Thousand Years of Nagging and Needling. When Our Lord of Infinite Guilt Trips finally defeats the evil False Prophet of Cutting People Slack” -- R. Wyrick, Prophet of the New Millennium

Instead of an earthquake just before supper, morning’s first coffee will be greeted with a rumbling of discontent. The rumbling will condense into a whine of human voices. Words will become discernable…then phrases:

"Oooh, that sweater is gross,"

"Are you really wearing that?"

You really should be doing more with your life

If you didn’t dress like a schlep you would meet a nice girl

He could lose a few pounds

OMG, willya look at those shoes

Perhaps we can defy prophesy. Perhaps we can speak out for acceptance so that the voices of judgment day are not the only ones heard in everyone’s ears. Maybe we can take someone’s hands, look in their eyes, and dispel any sense the judgmental voices carry in their words. Just maybe we can try and clear off the preconditions from a couple precious feelings of love, and know unconditional love for a few moments.

Or maybe you should just get with the program and call up that ex who broke your heart to let them know that there are as many flaws in their personality as there are colors in the rainbow.

It’s Judgment Day: Feel the Rainbow!


Joe said...

Failed Doomsday Has Real Deadly Consequences - Livescience
- see link ..
Failed Doomsday Has Real Deadly Consequences

adult onset atheist said...

Though I would love to hop on the idea of nasty things happening as a result of this latest rapture event, the fact is that Lyn Benedetto did the throat slashing thing back in March.

I think it a bit sensationalist for the news agencies to essentially sit on the story and popularize it only on the rapture date.