Monday, July 2, 2012

Die Tampon

The German word for “why” is pronounced “VAROOM”.

I know several of my readers are fluent in German, and so this is no special revelation to you. AOD has decided to teach me German (which is very cool since she does not know German), and VAROOM was one of the first words in my new vocabulary.

I decided this was the coolest thing I’ve learned all week, and I’ve learned some pretty cool stuff this week.

Do you know what happens when you blast salty goo with high-energy lasers? Cool stuff; that’s what.

I’ve spent time wandering around alternately saying “Varoom?” as a question and “VAROOOM!” as a NASCAR sound effect.

I stopped short of tying a beach towel to my neck like a cape and running around my house shouting “VAROOM VAROOM VAROOM”. Such erratic behavior irritates AYD and AOD, but there is still time.

Shortly before the German lessons started AOD and I spent a sunny hour taking a long drive into Salt Lake where she peppered me with words from the handful of languages found in her polyglot dictionary.

“Ask me a word in German” she asked.

“Ok….how about ‘tampon’?” I replied.

AOD flipped through the dictionary, looked up, and yelled: “TAMPON”.

Is that the word for “tampon” in German? I asked.


“So ‘tampon’ in German is ‘TAMPON’”


“That sounds like the English word, only you yell it” I replied.

“Maybe you don’t really need to yell it” she replied.

“So it’s the same as the English word?” I asked.

“Well you would say ‘die’ before it”

DIE TAMPON” I yelled.

Everything sounds louder when you yell it in a Toyota Corolla.

“Maybe you don’t really need to yell it” she replied.

“So…” I allowed the word to dissolve into a hint of mischief. “If someone yells ‘DIE TAMPON’ in a crowded room….I would think any tampons they might have would be dieing… or severely wounded”

“Ick Dad”

“This German sounds like a playful language. “ I replied

“I will teach you German” AOD responded. “Just try not to be stupid about it, and don’t yell ‘DIE TAMPON’ when we go to WalMart”

If I had only known the German I know now I would have replied “VAROOM!


LanceThruster said...

For whatever reason I took German in high school instead of Spanish (Though I am in SoCal and Spanish would come in right handy).

My two favorite words in German (for their sound) are the numbers five (fünf) and twelve (zwölf)

adult onset atheist said...

Then you know that "die" is actually pronounced "dee". We did not know this at the time. Thanks for not making hay from my linguistic ignorance.