Little Schoolhouse

I have often decried the degeneration of American conspiracy studies. Gone are the lone gunmen; replaced by actors who do anything a foolish TV soundbite or application of crude Photoshop skills can accomplish. Instead of quietly amassing apparently disparate information for years to create a picture of shadow actors today's conspiracy theorists (CT) jump onto YouTube channels to announce their theories before any actual information is even known.

The iconic tool of yesterday's CT was a map with pins and bits of yarn; today's CT must use something akin to the Ouija board. CT has become an exercise in prophesy. A faith-based activity like snake handling. One is often left with some of the same questions after watching modern CT practiced; questions like: “How come they don't get bitten?” or “Do they have some sort of diagnosable psychological illness?”.

It is natural, even healthy, in the aftermath of a traumatic event to produce conjectures about what has lead to the event. The farther away from the event emotionally the healthier it is. However, the communication of these conjectures can be irresponsible if anyone receiving the communications might potentially interpret them as fact. These issues have more to do with actually responding to the event responsibly, and little to do with CT. However, modern CT, by taking to the stage immediately after an event, tries to become part of the response.

Perhaps the problem is that the world has lost the ability to formulate good conspiracy theories. There is no CT center of excellence. The last of the great CT must have finally been rounded up by the Men In Black or converted to Cyber-slaves. Shocking as it is we should have known something like this would eventually happen.

Who will come to the world's rescue to help fix CT studies in America?

I will.

Over the next two weeks I will present some basic lessons into CT, and as a class we will create a viable conspiracy, and use it to suggest the imminent downfall of civilization.

Sharpen your number 2 pencils.